Transfer deadline day is brilliant. If you’re a football fan, chances are you’ll be spending the last day of August watching three things:
1. Sky Sports News presenter Jim White shouting Scottish at you
2. Harry Redknapp in his car guaranteeing Spurs won’t be signing any more players (whilst frantically texting Europe for handouts beneath the dashboard)
3. Your significant other re-evaluating your relationship
It’s probably the only day on which Twitter doesn’t quite move fast enough. With so much gossip floating about, completely unsubstantiated, you feel any advances in social media have been completely pointless as you can’t find out for sure if Kaka really has enrolled his kids into an English-speaking school. You feel almost annoyed when your feed refreshes and it’s just another tweet from a colleague with a picture of their new baby. WHO CARES?! ERIC DJEMBA-DJEMBA MIGHT JOIN COVENTRY!!!
Transfer deadline day is Christmas for exaggerators. Watching the #transferdeadlineday hash tag live right now, I can see that Wesley Sneijder has flown from Milan to London to Manchester and back four times this morning, Gary Cahill is stood equidistant between the Emirates and White Hart Lane with his arms outstretched, and Luka Modric is absolutely, 1,000,000% not for sale until the very late stages of the window at the earliest. Definitely; I have a source nearby.
Of course, you could put down your phone and watch a live blog on the BBC or Sky Sports website, but really, what has your F5 key done to you? As for spending it in front of the TV, well, never before have so many red-blooded males wanted the camera to cut away from a female Sky Sports News presenter and instead show the furrowed cracked-dough brows of Redknapp and Wenger.
It’s events like transfer deadline day that help Twitter come into its own. The channel is at its best when something might happen. We don’t need Twitter after the fact, we have things called facts for that. It’s these non-events that keep Twitter from falling into a sea of pictures of people’s lunches, or things their daft cats are doing. If only Facebook could sign this exciting flair player for its ageing squad…