Mince Cry: Silent Ignite, Holy ShitePushON | December 20th 2013
This Christmas sees the inaugural contest of PushON’s fiendish MINCE CRY game. The challenge, which is more madcap than a Scotch bonnet in a propeller fez, takes a knockout mano-a-mano course. Each round, the two “contestants” will choose a mince pie and eat it. If that’s not inhuman enough, one of them will contain a shot of Da Bomb Beyond Insanity chilli sauce.
And with each round, the dose will get insaner.
Imagine if Man v Food’s Adam Richman was the kind of insufferable geek that populates the average digital agency, but instead of the crowd cheering him on they were yelling and jeering at him and wishing him all the ill in the world and you’ll come close to picturing the scene.
Timber Wharf will never be the same again. Timber Wharf will feel pain. Timber Wharf will see people leaping the fence for a moment’s relief in the frozen Bridgewater Canal.
Mince Cry Rules
You will need:
1. Mini mince pies, enough to last several rounds, so for 8 players that’s 8 + 4 + 2 = 14.
2. Your chosen strength of chilli sauce – or similar tear inducing filling.
3. A syringe, turkey baster or similar to inject the heat.
4. A supply of yogurt, milk, eggnog and/or mango lassi for humanitarian purposes.
How to Play:
1. Elect a Chilli Bastard, whose responsibility it is to inject the chilli sauce into one of two pies each round.
Should the Chilli Bastard also be a player, they must allow their opponent to select the pie in their round. Attempts to mislead the opponent by placing traces of chilli sauce in clear view on the safe pie will be punishable by a forfeit, at the discretion of the opponent. Alternatively, the pies could be hidden from view of both players by a third party.
2. In Round One, the Chilli Bastard will secretly inject one measure of chilli into one of two pies, then display the pies to the two head-to-head players. A coin is tossed to decide which player chooses. The winner chooses, and both players eat their pies.
3. The chilli victim is out of the game. The player who got the unadulterated pie goes through to the next round.
4. The process from 1 to 3 is repeated, with the number of measures of chilli sauce being increased to match the round number.
5. The winner is the one who avoids eating the final mince cry. Scotch bonnet free.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be in mince pies.