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Monday morning Twitter post

Nobody’s perfect, especially in 140 characters or less, and these five Twitter misdemeanours are things we’re probably all guilty of…

The ‘self-deprecating’ tweet
Self-deprecating tweets are just as often self-serving as anything else. “Just been to the gym now settling down for an early night #livingthedream” may as well be saying “I AM BETTER THAN YOU, FATTY!!! #betterthanyoufatty”. These tweeters should not be deleted, however, as they are a reminder of how great we all could one day be…

Typical example: “Staying in on a Fri night as I’m KNACKERED after my dead healthy jog #livingthedream”

Tweeting the news from a personal account
This one is proper weird. I’d wager that most people on Twitter follow one news account such as Reuters or whatever. So why do we need to hear it again from Dave in Accounts? Dave must genuinely think he is the most switched-on person in the whole world, receiving a news line direct from the source. We’re lucky to have him.

Typical example: “World blows up #breakingnews”

Reality TV tweets
Twitter is a no-go area on a Saturday night, mainly because your followers either are or are not watching The X Factor. Those who are tweet outraged by the latest ‘surprising development’ in a TV show that’s been running for four months a year for nearly ten years, and those who aren’t are going on about how music has got AIDS or something.

The most baffling tweets, however, are those from people watching reality TV when they clearly hate it, complaining about it as if it’s somehow intruded on the time they usually reserve for reading Dostoyevsky. These people sit on their phones in front of the TV constantly asking “Is this person even famous?!!?!?” Madness.

Typical example: “Are these people even celebrities??!?!?! #imaceleb” (Yeah. They are.)

Flirting tweets
Flirting on Twitter is very unnerving, but a great way for the recipient of such behaviour to gauge weirdos. There is nothing creepier than asking a question and then having it answered within ten seconds by someone you might half-know, with a wink smiley on the end. It doesn’t work. Trust me.

Typical example: “You look great ; ) #alonewithoutdignity”

This
Some tweeters like to live vicariously through the tweets of others, like a jealous-but-proud digital dad. Unable to speak for themselves or engage with the Twitterverse, these guys only have one word in their vocabulary: This.

Typical example: “This RT @soandso *Independent thought*”

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  • Anonymous

    Nice Post! its true people slip up. It would be interesting to know whether you think if someone is a freelancer (there are lots of them) should they have one for business and one for personal or should they be the same account?