Telephone: 0844 967 0565 Email: info@pushon.co.uk

Bullshit Bingo

/*============================================

BULLSHIT BINGO

--------------

By: Jim Neath

Date: 17/04/08

============================================*/

// Options

$total = 25;

$per_row = 5;

if ($_GET['action'] == 'add')

{

if (isset($_POST['bullshit']))

{

if (file_put_contents('http://www.pushon.co.uk/images/words.txt', "\n" . $_POST['bullshit'], FILE_APPEND))

{

echo 'Bullshit Added‘;

}

else

{

echo ‘Failed to add your bullshit‘;

}

}

?>

}

else if ($_GET['action'] == 'all')

{

$all_words = file('http://www.pushon.co.uk/images/words.txt');

for ($i = 0; $i < count($all_words); $i++)

{

if (isset($_GET['id']) && $i == $_GET['id'])

{

$all_words[$i] = NULL;

file_put_contents('http://www.pushon.co.uk/images/words.txt', implode("", $all_words));

}

else

{

echo $all_words[$i] . ' [delete]

‘;

}

}

}

else

{

// Bullshit Phrases

$all_words = file(‘http://www.pushon.co.uk/images/words.txt’);

$all_words = array (

‘web 2.0′,

‘social networking’,

‘community driven’,

‘viral potential’,

‘Social Media Optimisation’,

‘being cautious of bubble 2.0′,

‘on-site optimisation’,

‘seo 2.0′,

‘strategic marketing’,

‘bespoke marketing solutions’,

‘Traffic Flat Lining’,

‘Juggernaut Traffic’,

‘e-commerce Conversion Rates’,

‘shopping cart funnel’,

‘searchability’,

‘ranking’,

‘number 1′,

‘traffic’,

‘reachability’,

‘extend your brand’,

‘raise awareness’,

‘content is king’,

‘added value’,

‘quality content’,

‘conversion rate’,

‘click-thru’,

‘tag clouds’,

‘did I mention content’,

‘visibility’,

‘data capture’,

‘e-marketing software’,

‘We want to be number 1 on the Google’,

‘clients in our industry don\’t use search’,

‘I can absolutely guarantee you number 1 ranking on Google’,

‘User Generated content’,

‘serp sliding’,

‘serp sledging’,

‘You can significantly improve your ROI’,

‘meme’,

‘results driven seo’,

‘PPC ROI’,

‘wikinomics’,

‘wiki’,

‘build it and they will come’,

‘generate more business’,

‘extend your market reach’,

‘qualitative leads’,

‘quantifiable results’,

‘traffic spike’,

‘conversion ratio’,

‘blogs are crap’,

‘blogging is a good way to promote your brand/product’,

‘engage in the conversation’,

‘blog culture’,

‘blog etiquette’,

‘forum flaming’,

‘there is a massive opportunity…’,

‘long tail’,

‘short tail’,

‘quick return’,

‘cost per click’,

‘generate interest’,

‘black hat seo’,

‘white hat seo’,

‘grey hat seo’,

‘Google juice’,

‘Link love’,

‘Search Equity’,

‘Link Equity’,

‘PR Sculpting’,

‘we submit you to 1,000s of search engines’,

‘your campaign should be converting at least X times better’,

‘our proprietary technology/process’,

‘viral — meaning email-a-friend’,

‘sprockets!’,

‘paradigm shift’,

‘sea change’,

‘media-able’,

‘IT\’S NOT EVEN WEB 2.0!’,

‘This should be Ajax enabled’

);

//print_r($all_words);

// Select words to use

srand((float)microtime() * 1000000);

shuffle($all_words);

$words = array();

for ($i = 0; $i < $total; ++$i)

{

$words[] = $all_words[$i];

}

}

?>

We love the original Bullshit Bingo, it’s ideal if you’ve ever been involved in business meetings. But we feel that the online marketing industry is riddled with bullshit buzzwords and therefore warrants it’s very own bingo card. The rules are simple.

  • Check off each block when you hear the word
  • When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout BULLSHIT!!
  • Click refresh to play again, safe in the knowledge that your P45 is in the post

Let us know if you’ve found it useful, or if you have heard your boss talking SEO Bollocks.

$count = 1;

foreach ($words as $word)

{

if ($count % $per_row == 1) { echo '

‘; }

echo ‘

‘ . “\n”;

if ($count % $per_row == 0) { echo ‘

‘; }

$count++;

}

?>

‘ . ucwords($word) . ‘