Announcing Mince Cries 2… 2013’s Best Game Is Back For Round 2

PushON | December 19th 2014

You better not pout, you better not wince….
Something spicy is coming and it’s covered in mince.
Cos Mince Cries 2 is coming to PushON….
We’re making some pies, you gotta keep your wits,
Gonna find out out who’s getting the burning sh**s,
The pies are going to burn you, they’re going to cause some cries,
Swallow them quickly and you can win a prize.
It knows when you are peckish, it knows when you are sleeping….
And once you take a bite, very soon you will be weeping….

What is Mince Cries?

We had Christmas festivities all wrapped up last year with the original Mince Cries. Many considered this the best game of 2013 and we’re certain that the only reason it didn’t go viral is because we didn’t pretend it was about charity. A quick recap?

Sixteen people entered and chose a mince pie with a hidden treat. Half of them had been injected with a special mix of some of the hottest pepper sauce available and only those that escaped the Santa “Thaws” Naughty List made it through to the next round. With the sauce rated at 1.2 million scovilles, many tears were had and minor to severe digestive discomfort undoubtedly followed.

By Popular Demand…

.. It’s returning and like The Godfather, Star Wars and Mighty Ducks before it, this promises to be a sequel that (unlike Ghostbusters 2) is superior to the original.

Announcing Mince Cries 2: Don’t Fear The Weeper.

The rules are changing… and so is the sauce.

The Sauce

The experts said that a 1.5 million scovilles sauce couldn’t be achieved. We didn’t believe that.

PushON’s in-house spice-ology science team have been hard at work since March developing a formula which is 25% stronger. The sauce has been undergoing testing on a mix of rabbits and chimpanzees and it wasn’t until November that we managed to produce a sauce that didn’t result in paralysis, blindness or death at least 20% of the time.

The Rules

In Mighty Ducks 2, the stakes were raised from a local junior hockey championship to the Youth World Games. Following their example, we have raised the stakes with Mince Cries 2.

Only those getting mince pies without sauce OR tapping out and surrendering will be eliminated this year. The winner won’t be the person who avoided the pain but will be the one who powered through it. Someone with the heart and gut of a champion, much like Charlie “Jesse Jackson” Conway who triple deked his way to the championship in the first film.

edit: We ended up revising the rules again but it’s a bit convoluted. Summary? We ate mince pies with hot stuff in.


The Competitors

  • Andy “Des” Darnell – As a Paid Search specialist, Andy is used to calculating the best return on investment. Will this mastery of numbers and analytics help Des predict the path to glory?
  • Bobby “Local Lad” Howe – Bobby is known throughout PushON for quips and witty tongue. But will this tongue be able to withstand the onslaught of 1.5 million scovilles of heat?
  • Daryl Burrows – Daryl has been training for MC2 by eating Nandos with extra hot sauce for months. We applaud his effort but can’t help but feel it’s like preparing to fight Mike Tyson by sparring with a punchbag. Outside contender.
  • Dave “Inferno” Sims – Dave’s leaving us soon – making this his last chance to win before retirement. To get into the mindset Dave has been chain watching the latest Rocky film and repeating the manta “It ain’t over till it’s over”.
  • James “Flacksative” Flacks – Flacks was disgraced in 2013 when he ducked out of the tournament at the last minute. Having to overcome a year’s worth of abuse may have caused him to crack or toughen up. Only the pies know the answer.
  • Dave “Call Me” Gerrard – Gerrard’s Head of Organic Strategy at PushON but does he have the strategy in his head to organically survive Mince Cries 2?
  • Jake “The Snake” Reynolds – Jake is soon to head to the land of Australia where pests include the feared red imported fire ants. Has Jake be preparing for their fiery stings with intensive chilli sauce training? All will be revealed.
  • James “Simba” Sims – James is known as a cool customer by his colleagues with the stress of juggling many projects unable to get him hot and bothered. It’s possible his ability to stay calm under pressure will see him come out a winner. Bookies favourite.
  • Jonny “Peri Peri” Pennington – Jonny is known to be a lover of spice and alcohol but in the tougher ruleset of Mince Cries 2, there’s no cold beer to wash away the heat. Will he be able to handle it?
  • Pedrom – Ped is a slippy customer and colleagues are used to his pranks. We’re expecting Ped to be the Dick Dastardly of Mince Cries 2. Tricks to watch out for include Ped growing out his beard to cover the lower half of his face with a set of fake lips.
  • Scott Murray – Code Ninja Scott is a fan of all things open source and his favourite Linux distro as a child was Red Hat. Will he keep this preference when the sauce is opened and it’s red hot?
  • Steve – Experts agree that Steve is a wildcard because so little is known about his past and his ability to tolerate the heat. His background in video production may well have included working with producers of fiery Vindaloos and red pepper sauce.

Stay tuned to find out how MC2 develops…

The Tournament

After some drop outs, we started with 8.

Round One – Quarter Finals

In the first round, picking the mince cries from the mince pies resulted in elimination. First to be eliminated were Jake, Flacks, Jonny and Darnell.

Jake made a valiant attempt to pass off his mince cry as a mince pie but his need for water was too great for him to carry on the charade for long.

Darnell reaction Shots via @lbeldreams and more from @Jenbobity.

Round Two – Semi Finals

Surviving into round two were Ped, Scott, Daryl and Bobby. The stakes were raised as the next batch of pies had even more sauce than the previous round. The Weeper cometh to everyone… everyone it is except Ped and Scott who made it into the finals.

Round Three – The Final

2013 champion Pedrom faced off against newcomer Scott. As a safety measure two shots of milk were provided.

Round 3 was mired in controversy as an accusation of steering Ped towards a loaded pie were made against organiser Jonny. Iain stepped in to arbitrate and a solution was eventually found. A bite was made and the winner declared…

2014’s Champion: Scott Murray

Runner Up: Ped (this year’s chilli bastard via @JenBobity)